Inside my then stream of consciousness:

“We’re consistently affirmed in our identities by our human interactions. We’re validated and challenged by these interactions. They’re the reason we develop in our self understanding.  Reason…reason… everything happens for a reason.  “Everything happens for a reason.”  Such a simple mantra or belief. One that’s sustained even the most troubled soul.  When we’re going through the pain, how do we know the ‘reason’? Will we ever?”

It hit me while I was in the shower.

I’ve become re-acquainted with a deeper meaning within the saying “Everything Happens for a Reason,” and it’s almost more encouraging to me than one of my mother’s hugs.

It’s this: My ability to encourage someone through the vulnerable process of sharing my OWN experiences is reason enough for me to have gone through it.

I’ve been heart-broken, lost a job, been jealous of friends, grappled with faith and the list goes on. Every time I can encourage someone who’s going through similar situations I’m realizing more purpose for my life. I didn’t go through all that stuff just for the pain. Or even to expand my personal library of life lessons.  Shouldn’t I loan a lesson to a friend sometime? I went through (go through) my trials  in hopes of being an example to someone else.   Some people I’ve already encouraged and some I’ve yet to meet.  Sharing my story or affirming someone’s current struggle by describing the hope on the other side, leads me to discover more reason in why “Everything Happens for a Reason.”

My joys aren’t my own. My struggles aren’t my own.  My heartbreak isn’t my own. When I get through it (which I will) I can help someone else do the same. And that’s reason enough.

“We’re able to function in a social world because we partially permeate each other’s minds and understand–some people more, some people less. Human beings understand others in themselves, and they form themselves by reenacting the internal processes they pick up from others.”   -David Brooks (The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character and Achievement)

Are you struggling to find meaning and purpose in your pain? Consider the appropriate time and person to share it with.  They just might need you, and you specifically. Your story has the power to change someone’s life trajectory.  Perhaps that’s  all the reason you need.

Have you found purpose on your path to overcoming pain?

Still not sure?

Share with the Word Up, Haay family. 

P.S. Coming soon! Word Up, Haay podcasts. *and the crowd goes wild*

Jesus be a healer, for real. *worship hands*

I asked my twitter fam for tips and some had this to say.  Thank you ladies!

@jovizi tea bags while sleeping..... And then pat ur eyes firmly but not too hard in a steam shower. Works every time!

—
Who's name? (@stateoftheart23) January 17, 2012

Preparation H. Light dabs. RT @jovizi: Ladies: How do you get rid of bags/dark circles under your eyes? What are your trips & tricks? Thx!

—
Olivia Warbucks (@LivCakes) January 17, 2012

@Nakisha: @jovizi heated up herbal tea bags over the eyes does the trick for me or, rarely, I’ll just dig up a good concealer (Bobbi Brown Corrector).

*************

Got tips? Please share with the Word Up, Haay family!

Lots of women (and men) want to know what works and not just what Google suggests.

GO SEE “RED TAILS” THIS WEEKEND!!!!! SUPPORT BLACK MOVIES; ESPECIALLY QUALITY BLACK MOVIES!!!! Even if you’re not black.

- A ridiculous quote seen on twitter

Huh? Why would I support terrible black movies that perpetuate ridiculous stereotypes? It’s this continued support that gets us movies closer to full length movies based on reality shows like “Love and Hip Hop” and further away from dynamic films like “Pariah.” As you know, in hollywood, it’s all about what sells. We rush to see Soul Plane, we get more Soul Plane. We abandon movies like “Red Tails” and we get no “Red Tails.”

Of course we know there’s not just ONE type of black film. There’s got to be a place for Madea, and a place for “Do the Right Thing.” Simultaneously. Though, with limited exposure, black movies suffer from the same ‘token’ struggle some of us did while being the only black kid in our AP English class. The movie, like us, is given the pressure to represent the entire black story. That’s impossible. We’re far from monolithic and there’s not a movie long enough to tell our individualized stories.

So what do we do?

Support the movies that display great acting, production, and tell an interesting story. Especially if they represent your story. With that said, I’ll be seeing Red Tails this weekend.

I don’t have much else to say so read varied opinions on the topic here, here and here.

Some argue stuff like this doesn’t really matter to his re-election, but I’d say perhaps it does.  Our president has the “X” factor that keeps us intrigued and wanting more. We go crazy when we see him do stuff like this because it reminds us that he’s one of us. We  LIKE President Obama. We like him like we all liked the most popular guy at school. And why wouldn’t we?

He wins ‘Best All Around’ every year.  He’s committed his life to improving our world AND on top of that, he can sing, play basketball, communicate difficult concepts with ease, and dance on stage with Ellen. He’s likeable. And effective ($2.5M new young  people with health care thanks to ‘Obama Care,’ Osama Bin Ladin capture, the end of our war, unemployment down to 8.5% etc).

We want a president who’s relatable and competent. And by relatable we don’t mean you can just tell us what ‘the American people’ are feeling.  It’s that you do and enjoy the same stuff we do (i.e. I’m 100% sure he sings in the shower like me). We want a president who does their best to unite our country, pass important legislation improving all of our lives and can insert a sense of confidence and calm when things aren’t going well.

President Obama’s republican opponents better work on their ‘cool,’ because our current president has it in spades and it’s wooing us back for four more years.

This Year Will Be Different.  

We’re half way through January and some of our New Year’s Resolutions have yet to see the light of 2012. We knew they were faux resolutions when we named them, but we did it anyway. It’s not that we didn’t want to do things differently this year, we just weren’t sure how.

We made the mistake of sharing our resolution during a familiar holiday dinner; the type when everyone around the table is forced to pour out their heart. And of course, after hearing so many others proclaim their new gospel, we quickly came up with something far-fetched and impersonal, like,“ This year I’m going to the gym every day.”  Or worse, in a state of angst-slash-slight depression after four champagne toasts too many, we resolve to do something unattainable e.g. “hug 11 strangers a day.”

Or perhaps you skipped that holiday dinner and instead took time to reflect on a serious resolution like getting a new job. But alas, here we are half way through January and for some reason you haven’t started to update your resume and your resolution hasn’t kicked in quite like you planned.

FACT: Unless you determine otherwise, the New Year will signify nothing more than a quick flip in your calendar. It’s our actions that will urge us towards a new life not when the clock strikes midnight. Many of us find ourselves stuck in the past and subsequently the same year—every year—because we’ve yet to unpack what’s truly behind our desired New Year’s resolutions and determine the specific and necessary actions to bring them into fruition.

A few years ago I facilitated a workshop for young women focused on developing a personal mission statement and establishing S.M.A.R.T goals that drive one closer to their purpose. Within this workshop the women were inspired to create vision boards using a variety of arts and crafts, and later, taught how to backwards plan their way into their vision by using the S.M.A.R.T. goals framework. While I won’t be able to recreate that workshop within this space, I am encouraged to share an example of how that same framework could be used to help us establish meaningful New Year’s resolutions.

Let’s take the commonly shared resolution “Be More Healthy” and re-frame it with the S.M.A.R.T acronym.

Specific: Be more healthy is a huge statement! What does that really mean to you? Instead of immediately joining Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig because J.Hud or Mariah told you to, did you consider visiting your doctor for a personal consultation? The more specific and personal we are about our goals the more confident we feel in our ability to achieve them. Remember, your New Year’s Resolution is just that, yours! Resist the temptation to conform your resolution to that of your neighbor’s. If you must make a resolution, I encourage you to make it specific to you life’s purpose, and the things that will truly move you towards your longer term goals.

Ex: Work out 4x a week with a partner (specific)

Measurable: With a broad resolution like “Be More Healthy” it’s tough to know if one’s being successful with out defined measures of achievement. This measure of success can easily be identified when we add numerical or quantifiable values to our goals. Measures help us clearly see and assess our path to our goal. This part of goal setting is integral because if we can’t see the progression of our success, we will likely get discouraged when things get tough. It’s when we see our success that we keep focused and become even more inspired to keep going.

Ex: I will take a multivitamin at least 5 times a week (measurable)

Attainable: As you reflect on the first two aspects of S.M.A.R.T goal setting, you certainly don’t want to leave the ‘attainable’ piece out. If you set a specific, measurable but however, unreasonable goal – you’re setting your self up for inevitable failure. ”I will lose 25 lbs in a week” is specific and measurable, but yet unattainable. Is your resolution something you can do in a healthy and safe way?  Is your resolution something that you have control over? We should look at our goals as motivation and not distant milestones that we’ll never reach.  If your resolutions depend solely on someone else’s actions I encourage you to reconsider that resolution’s purpose and attainability.

Ex: I will lose the 2lbs a week my doctor suggests (attainable)

Realistic: Similar to how we think about setting attainable goals, we should indeed set goals that are realistic. If french fries are your favorite food (and you eat them 4x a week), setting a goal to quit them cold turkey may not be realistic for you. Especially when you refuse to stop visiting the same restaurants where you would order fries in the past.  Find the balance between setting a goal that will push you, but that’s always within your reach.

Ex:  I will only have french fries once a week for the month of January. (realistic)

Timely: Set a time frame for your resolution or goal. Who said a New Year’s resolution had to last all year? Perhaps your resolution is only focused on the first quarter.  Example: “In order to be more healthy, I will visit all of my primary doctors by April.”  By setting this time-frame you’re increasing your sense of urgency to get things moving. If you don’t set a time frame, you’ll slowly lose your momentum and by June, you won’t remember what your resolution was in the first place.

By making our New Year’s resolutions S.M.A.R.T we’re no longer in a position to feel helpless come April, but instead, empowered by actions that will positively impact our lives. S.M.A.R.T is one of many frameworks created to improve productivity. If this doesn’t work for you see what else is out there and try it! Just don’t give up. Take some time to reflect on what’s most important to you in 2012, and start getting smart!

How are you holding on to your New Year’s Resolutions? Or do you hate the concept and take another approach? Share with the crew! 

 You can avoid “playing politics” while building the influence you need. Keep your efforts clearly focused on the ultimate good of the organization. Work with others for mutual advantage, not just your own. And always conduct yourself according to your personal values, no matter what others do. Read more here.

Full article from Linda Hill and Kent Lineback.

Context: Erin came to town, and instead of going out (which I knew we weren’t going to do) we stayed in and entertained ourselves.   If you ever see Benny,  Erin, George and myself coming, do yourself a favor and go the other way. OR if you’re bold – stick around to be entertained by 15 year-olds in adult bodies.   It’s the smart ones that can act up the best.

S/o to E. Harp!

For the the party inside the party check it out –> http://vimeo.com/35011910  (thx Jeff!)

During one of my favorite 2010 SMW panels I was quoted in Dani Klein’s recap for the official SMW site, when I posed a question to Quest Love (@Questlove),  media and social media influencer James Andrews (@Keyinfluencer) and other panelists around the changing reality that fans would rather tweet about a concert being awesome, rather than clap for the artist while they’re performing.  In a sense, a dozen RTs has become a greater sign of fan’s support than their in the moment interaction at the concert or show.

The question sparked discussion around audience participation, the value of one’s voice via social media and our collective diminishing attention span.

When’s the last time you’ve been to a concert or show, and instead of singing along or participating,  invested in some serious live tweeting/FBing instead?  Why or why not?

Leave your thoughts with the Word Up, Haay family and let’s keep the conversation going.

Will I see you at Social Media Week?  What events are you attending?

Full schedule here.

#MyCouch is Open –> Ask Me Anything Here.

Times will vary, but mostly 10-11am, 4-5 and 10-11pm.

Looking forward to chatting with you soon