Forgiving makes you more important.
A week or so ago I read this interesting article on HBR entitled “Forgiving Makes Your More Important.” It was fascinating to say the least, but oddly enough, it was one reader’s comment that inspired this post.
I thought he summed up forgiveness quite nicely.
Teresa, you are right to select status as an important factor in interpersonal relationships. In different cultures class, caste, leadership position determine the value the person or group places on the individual.
However when it comes to rude and insulting behavior the chief determinant on how to respond, as you rightly point out, is within the individual that has suffered the slight. Culturally determined external factors like saving face may also modulate how a person responds.
At the end of the day forgiving is not
1. Condoning the hurtful behaviors of others
2. Allowing them to further abuse you
3. Denying that we are hurt or angry.But
1. Choosing the type of person we want to be and not sinking to the level of the abusers
2. Setting boundaries wherever possible and necessary
3. At the highest level, detaching from the behavior of the other and feeling genuine compassion for them.
What do you think? How do you process the act of forgiveness?
i have/had struggled with forgiveness for a loooooooooooooooong time. approx 15 years more or less.what happened? long story short. i looked beyond his faults and saw his needs, or you could say, i tried to fix/love him and he betrayed me. in reality, i betrayed myself by not listening to that still small voice that was saying do not walk, RUN! when i first started seeing the signs. anywho, i used to be a grudgeholder…then i would forgive and then when i would get mad and think/obsess on the situation i would get more angry….vicious cycle. till one day, i prayed and i told God, here, take this…i cant handle it…please help me. i cant do like Mama, Granny, Gram, GranGran,and cousin soandso….it’s just me and you God. please help me to forgive. totally. then and only then was i able to truly move past it…..wondering what took me so long!?